| so tired |
[Apr. 1st, 2006|12:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
spossed to start a job on sunday... we'll see how that goes. i hope it works because i need to be working. i need to save money so that i can get outta here. im so done with this state. but yeah. im tired, but i should be considering i just walked home from the mall with fernando and smurf. heehee. but hey i got eggs outta it. i got my bro to make them for me.... heeheee. im so kewl like that. so yeah. now that i have internet in my room... imma try to update this damn thing more often |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|08:22 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
i was looking at my myspace friends and realized how many people i've lost touch with. like their not really my friends any more. and that makes me wonder if they ever were. i just dont know anymore. other than that. i've been kinda beside myself lately. fernando is awesome dont get me wrong. he makes me happy. however, what good is being made happy if you cant keep that happiness going when they aren't around?? maggie and fernando are playing DDR. its kinda funny. because fernando has the same obsession that me and maggie had at the end of the summer. lol. oh well. i guess everyone has to go through it sometime. heh. |
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| xmass |
[Dec. 26th, 2005|10:44 am] |
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i hope everyone had a fun xmass... mine was tough but we got through it. shadow didnt come to my mother's with me because she is sick. :( my father and my friend maggie are taking care of her till i get back. i got a new sterio for xmass.... its about time my old one got replaced. lol. 61/2" woofer!!! hellz yeah. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|12:54 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | everclear | ] |
ok so i dont update that often anymore.... its great having boner home again. even though i dont get to see him as much as i used to. leech is living with me for awhile... this time its not my fault that she is homeless... lol. having trouble again in some areas of my life. and in others... im doing surprisingly well.... for now at least. i hope i can continue to force myself to not run away from boner... because i dont want things between us to end up the way things between me n bradley did. |
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| over stressed |
[Nov. 15th, 2005|10:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
tough day today. tomorrow is the concert. maybe it'll take my mind off of boner for a short while. i have to study tomorrow too. thursday is my final for english class. wish me luck. |
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| lastnight |
[Nov. 10th, 2005|12:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | alive | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | father of mine | ] |
see my myspace blog... |
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| two weeks |
[Nov. 9th, 2005|10:29 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
hes gone. left early this morning. i wont see him for two weeks or so. i miss him. i have his hat. i promised him that i wouldnt havee a cigg untill he has one. so im going at least for as long as hes gone. i cant wait till he comes back. i miss him so much. maggie, nicole, and i hung out with him lastnight. we dropped off nicole after awhile cuz she had to go home and then we brought boner home. we chilled at his house for awhile and then we left. it was so hard to leave that i had maggie give him a cigg just so that i could have one. we gave him a cigg n he walked to his door. then i calmly closed the car door looked at maggie and started laughing as i begged her for a cigg. it was horrible. i havent spoken much since then either. not that i say much to begin with.
i miss him. |
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| stressed |
[Nov. 6th, 2005|10:46 pm] |
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finals are coming.. i actually have to study. first time studying in idk how long. boner is leaving for rehab soon ... sometime between tomorrow and wed. so that doesnt help. shit went down early this morning with some of my friends and i wasnt there for it. in short, my friend is in the hopsitol and boner hurt his mom but neither of them remember anything because they were too fucking drunk. that scares us all. memories have been haunting me again. so yeah im really fuckin stressed bout everything. i swear one day imma die from being too stressed out all the time. |
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| over due random rant |
[Nov. 3rd, 2005|07:02 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  calm | ] |
although i'm not exactly sure whats going on, things are actually ok for once. my soul has quieted down. my pain is mostly sleeping. i have bf that actually treats me correctly. finals are coming up for the first semester... im really nervous. i need to start studying soon. and i know that i suck at history. i've done pretty much all my homework for both classes. plus my projects. i've been having an awesome time with my friends. i found myself praying to god when things got a bit stressful and when i was truely frightened that my friend was going to go to jail. god pulled through. he has another optioin. hes a good guy dont get me wrong. i showed up to his court date in a dress. i've fallen behind in my artwork.... i didnt sleep lastnight just to try and catch up a lil. im kinda tired. but i am very awake at the same time. eggs are yummy. dont ask where that came from. damn it. now i want eggs. my back is kinda stiff from sitting with the computer on my lap for so damn long. i have a homeless kid sleeping in house. hes a good guy. my boyfriend is sleeping on the couch across from where im sitting. im having a conversation with mrs. marshall about wearing white after labor day. im not sure why. i dont even wear white. however i do own a white shirt. i think it has stuff on it though. so its ok to wear once in a while. i smoke way too much. my feet are really cold. my back still hurts. my father is pissed off because he supossedly didnt sleep much. i slept less than him. i love coffee a lil too much at times. no i did not O.D. on coffee again. although i did think about it. i had one cup. and thats it. why are my sentences so damn short. boner is so adorable when hes sleeping. did i mention that my boyfriend's nickname is boner. im really thirsty. i need a cigg. my house is very quiet. everyone is sleeping. i hate studying. i never thought i'd be nervous about school. it kinda sketches me out. oh well. |
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| how |
[Oct. 26th, 2005|01:49 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | death metal | ] |
how do i get mixed up with people? honestly, im not so sure anymore. one friend is going to jail on friday.... and my boyfriend is ... well, its not a good relationship. but i sposse i deserve it from all the times i treated jimmy like shit. all jimmy ever did was care about me, and all i did was cause him pain. well, not much i can do bout it now. im sorry jimmy...... for everything. well i should see smurf on thursday, i think he said he was gonna sing at open mic night. but idk if he's still gonna be at molten java when i get out of class. he might be playing soccer by then, although i doubt it. yeah im kinda rambling but what ever.... no one is really gonna read this anyways. so yeah. im bored. and imma miss Boner! idk who's gonna keep our parties alive now because that's what Boner ussually does. *sigh* life is never the same, day by day. so what do we do? we move on with it. |
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| hey guys!! |
[Sep. 30th, 2005|02:33 pm] |
hey guys its been awhile. hah i just got the internet set up... yay!! i miss you people. i feel like i havent seen anyone in forever. well, in the rare event that anyone gives a shit... im not in highschool. thats right i dropped out. i dropped and entered WERACE so im going to school at night from 7-9pm. monday-thursday. so yeah i have fridays off and i get to sleep in while im earning my highschool deploma on my own fucking time. i dont have school this coming monday or tuesday... monday is staff development and tuesday is a jewish holiday. so really im only gonna have two days of school this coming week. yeah bitches!! granted i dont have many friends here because i dont go to school with anyone around here. but oh well. i have some friends that i hang out with like maggie, doner, debbie. sometimes i see other people like smurf and nick once in awhile. anyways.... gonna go watch tv with debbie.
call me you whores!! |
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| im leaving you behind, maybe someday our paths will cross again, maybe it'll work out in the end |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|06:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | torn apart | ] |
today is a day of tears,
for those that left me,
and those i tried replacing them with,
i dont know what to do,
i hurt you,
its my fault you left,
this is not the game,
of pain,
and who hurts more,
no matter what i do,
someone is left behind,
do i leave my friends,
and risk my life for one,
or do i stay,
and try to forget about her?
i wish to do neither,
to be with her,
would be the best,
i failed your test,
i can not be
the way you want me
thats why you left
just know
that i loved you so
to the point where i changed
just for you
i did what you asked
i ditched the past
just let me be
i'll find someone
who will love
me for me
just let me be
theres nothing more i can do
but to still stand here
saying i love you |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 17th, 2005|01:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | torn apart | ] |
sometimes i feel like my life is a contest. who can hurt me more. well so for its been a guy who was one of my best friends. some how we both got hurt. its not his fault that he got hurt.... its mine and i know that. just like i know its my fault he hates me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2005|11:58 pm] |
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fuck life... fuck people... fuck everyone. i hate loosing friends. i cant stand it. but it happens. i always seem to loose all of them at some point. and it always starts with my best friend. fuck everyone. |
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| the way you want me |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|04:25 pm] |
what would you do,
if i couldnt do the things u want me to?
what would happen,
if i gave up?
would u still love me?
does it matter,
if im not who i ought to be?
these questions i leave for you,
as i turn back.
i cant be,
the way u want me,
maybe ur right,
maybe i do hide,
but my heart is broke,
and my soul is scarred,
i have to go back,
and stop trying,
i cant handle it all,
its too much,
i've lost my way,
its true to this day,
i used to be sumthing,
now i've lost most of it.
but im going back,
im so close to losing,
all i've worked for,
but as i do,
i remember all i had be4 this,
be4 i moved,
be4 i met u,
be4 i changed for u,
i have become weak here,
i talk to u,
and i begin to cry,
i cant do that,
its not who i am,
u've lowered my guard,
and im not sure how.
its not like im proud,
as i sit and dont make a sound.
but i dont get hurt that way,
no worries of will they stay,
or when will they go?
how much can they put up with?
why dont they hate?
why do they hate?
theres so many questions,
that need answers,
be4 i can be,
the way u want me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 9th, 2005|08:26 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sad | ] |
what if i said,
i was sorry?
what i said,
in it in spanish?
what if all i could do,
was tell you,
i love you?
what if i pushed you away?
what if i didnt stay?
what would you do,
if i hurt you?
would you stay mad?
would you push me away too?
what happens,
when both of us are hurt?
i'll tell you,
that even though you're gone,
im not.
and when you get hurt,
there i will be,
willing and ready,
to hold you back up.
some friends are too important to loose. although it happens. i want you know, even though you prolly wont read this... that you are important to me. and i will always be here if you need anything. you will always be important to me. and i will never forget you. not in all my life. |
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| still bored |
[Aug. 6th, 2005|03:33 am] |
Your Boobies' Names Are: Bert and Ernie
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but at least this one is funny |
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